Oh, forreal?

I grew up poor.  Not "OMG, I can't get the new Coach bag--I HATE YOU DADDY!" kind of poor kids from Montgomery County seem to think they are.  No, I'm talking about all 6 of us sharing a three bedroom apartment with this African guy named Joe, kind of poor (That dude used to always smell like Palm Oil.)We lived in apartments until I was about 10 years old.  We finally moved into our house the winter (I think) of my 5th grade year.  My mom was pregnant with my little brother and I think they finally decided we needed to establish some roots.  This was also the year my dad finally got rid of the Zephyr and upgraded to a (then) top of the line Dodge Caravan.

Anywho, before our ascent to middle class, my mom was steady trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents.  She and my dad had to feed and clothe all of us on a pretty tight budget.  I was no stranger to Ames, KMart, and yard sales.OMG my mom LOVED a yard sale back in the day.  Nowadays, Mrs. Cadillac Escalade wouldn't be caught dead picking though some soccer mom's piles of crap.

We also knew the inside of Payless pretty freakin well.  As any poor person will tell you, Payless is where you go when you have to cover 4 pairs of constantly growing feet.  Until we were old enough to know how wack it was, we would routinely hit up payless for all of our shoe needs.  To this day, I vividly remember my hot pink hi-top Pro Wings that I got when I was like 5 or 6.  And I have possibly the worst memory known to man.  But I loved those shoes, and I think my mom loved that they cost like $7.99.

As a Bougie adult, however, I've sworn off Payless shoes.  I convinced myself the corns formed from Payless shoes were a fate worse than death.  I've blamed my flat footedness on the lack of support in those shoes.  Lol..I hit a point where I absolutely refused to set foot in that store.  Maybe they take me back to government cheese and disgusting shredded chicken in a can.  But I swore up and down that I'd rather have the "designer" shoes from Marshalls than ever be seen in the poorly constructed heels found in Payless.  And off with your head if you even THINK of recommending BareFeet Shoes to this bougie princess.  The nerve!

What that really means is "I'll wear Payless shoes as long as they don't look TOO cheap and they don't hurt my feet."  Because really, who can say no to a pair of gladiator sandals for $9.00?

So, I found myself at Payless this past Saturday.  I figured, it's been long enough since I've been, maybe they've had some wise awakening and their heels will no longer aggravate my corns or torture my baby toes.  I'm extremely broke as of late--tons of drunken nights have consumed my drinking budget (don't judge) and have spilled over into my regular budget. 

Anywho, imagine my surprise when I walk in that store and I see these teal creations staring back at me:   Oh, okay Payless.  I see you trying to revamp your image.

So I look at the price thinking, I guess they figured out some magic cost effective material that doesn't look like it's going to break during PMS bloat.  I nearly shit a brick when I saw the price tag.  $44.99.

REALLY, PAYLESS!  Are you trying to seriously charge me $44.99 for a pair of sandals?  I'm so disappointed in you.

Now, I'm pretty sure my mom paid a total of $44.99 for all four pairs of our shoes in 1990.  And maybe inflation is to blame for this increase.  But I would be a goddamned fool if I EVER in my life shelled out $44.99 for a pair of Payless sandals.  You got the game fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up, my friends.  Honestly, I don't think I've EVER paid that much for a pair of sandals.  That doesn't even make sense.  It's less material!

And that's not even the most expensive pair in the joint.  Payless is really smelling itself these days.  These shoes over here will run  you about $69.99.  Now maybe I'm biased because of my prior history with Payless, but I'm not walking in there and dropping $70 on some off brand shoes.  And maybe it's me, but Payless shoes always have that one or two things that completely ruin the shoe.  In the example to the right, I'm completely turned off by that front piece that would cover my toes.  It reminds me too much of the foreign man sandals that my (foreign) people love to break out as soon as we hit 80 degrees.  Also, the shape of the platform reminds me of a Tonka truck and does nothing for this shoe.  It was like they had a great idea at the design meeting, and then ran a little too far with it.

I'm sorry, but if I'm going to drop $70 on a shoe, I need to be confident that I won't be embarrassed by the label.  Could you imagine the horror of someone looking at your "Lower East Side" label and then back at you with the pity face?  No, thank you.